Pondering...

This Easter season I'm pondering so much. Really everything about the way we live. In the past couple of months, we've experienced life-changing emotional trauma (that's the only way I know how to describe it) as my husband's mother passed away so suddenly and so dramatically. It kind of feels like I've had the air knocked out of me. Our lives will be different from this point on. The depth of these emotions have taken me by surprise. I always knew I loved her; that she was important to our family, but I did not know how her death would impact me personally. It has been and continues to be so odd that she is gone. Oh, I know I'll see her again one day in Heaven, but her absence from this earth is painful.

As I was reflecting on all that this morning in my quiet time, I found myself thinking about Jesus. About how He died...about the day He died... and about the 3 days that followed for those who loved Him and walked closely with Him. "Trauma" would have adequately described what they probably felt. And if I were a betting woman, I'd bet that His resurrection was even more life-changing for them! I'd bet until their dying day, they never got over those events. And that's what made think...we really don't get it. Because if we did? We'd live differently. Everything would be different. What He went through, for love of us...it was a big deal. He chose us, even though He knew what it would mean...I don't know if you hear me...I don't think we get it.

My husband used to preach that it might be not be possible for us to live sinless, but we can sin less. We can't reach every hurting heart, but we can reach some instead of looking away. Instead of being too busy and worrying about how it will inconvenience us if we get involved in somebody else's drama, we could stop and pray with them. We could care. We can't share the Good News of Jesus with every person in the world, but I *know we can share it more than we do. I know I can share it more often than I have.

Are we just going through the motions or are we living differently because of what He did? I'm having so many thoughts, so many ponderings about my life and the way I'm living it. Don't get me wrong. I don't imagine that I can ever truly repay Jesus for His sacrifice, for His love for me, but it was no light thing and I am more aware than ever of what my life in Christ has cost Heaven. God help me to live like I get it.