Are You Sure???

Since we're Really Friends, (the front-porch kind) I thought I'd give you a heads-up: If you ask God to break your heart again for the things that break His heart, you might want to  prepare for the fact that He will take your request seriously...

* You will need extra time to pray.

* You may want to go ahead and invest in the Kleenex company.

* Know that you will have to quiet yourself before Him to hear what He wants you to do about it, realizing the Lord has a specific strategy for every challenge.

* Remember that sometimes, what He's calling you to is prayer. But sometimes? It's action. Drag out your knee pads and dust off your walking shoes.

* Beyond everything, don't ever forget that the *burden* -- the weight of it -- belongs to Him. Know, pray and go. He will carry it --- and you. Nice, right?

Real

I haven't been able to get away from hearing the Lord say, "Those who are well-loved bear the marks of it." In the past few days, I've pondered it often and now I realize why it struck such a chord with me: it's because it reminds me of one of my favorite stories ever! It's a story I read to all three of our children all the time when they were little. I probably loved reading it to them even more than they loved hearing it. Yep. The Velveteen Rabbit and I appear to have much in common. Consider this,

"Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'

Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit.

Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.'

Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?'

It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
— Margery Williams Bianco (The Velveteen Rabbit)

 

Just to be clear, I SO hope the hair thing doesn't happen. And I'm not the least bit interested in being shabby. But REAL? Oh, yeah. Let's go there. We can walk towards that a little more each day, beginning. right. now. Ready? Better lace up your kicks and get moving. I don't want to out run you! 

The First Hour Two Weeks In

I thought it was just me, so I felt bad about it. You know? I felt so bad about being restless and tired. I felt so bad about feeling guilty on the rare occasions when I was resting instead of working or doing something. Anything. Even on the day when I finally, in desperation, poured my heart out to my pastor and friend, I remember apologizing the entire time. I was so sorry to be tired. I was miserable that I was going to need to do one of two things: resign or rest. That day? Resigning would have been just as fine with me as anything. I was so far past any feeling of control over it all...

Just today, almost exactly two weeks into this extended period of rest, in an open prayer and worship time with Really Friends, I. actually. rested. On the inside. I could almost see the gigantic knot in my brain relaxing and I felt it deep, deep inside. It  was the first hour of the beginning of a new something. I have no idea of it's details. And I'm not worried about it. Those who know me well understand the depth of those last three statements. I heard the Lord say, "Those who are well-loved bear the marks of it." He went on to remind me of the incredible peace and tranquility, of the joy and freedom that lingers in the atmosphere around people I know who have been well loved. He reminded me of moments in my own life when I have felt that most deeply. I remembered what it was like just to be delighted in --- I remembered what it felt like just to be...
The delight of the Lord, as He lingered in that space with us this morning, was almost palpable. I don't think I'll ever get over what that felt like.

I've realized tonight that this busyness and exhaustion is rampant. The topic of rest is everywhere. It's the rising sound in the (Big C) Church. It isn't just me. We do not know how to be still. Even if we wanted to, when would we find the time?? We have trouble sleeping at night and we have trouble focusing in the day time. We live out of a five dollar cup of caffeine that gets us through. This pause in my life has caused me to realize that I could have been resting on the inside all along...I was just so deep in the season that I thought I was indispensable. And that, my friends, is pride. I now remember vaguely that Mark (my pastor-friend) said something about that on the day when I poured it all out...I heard it, but I didn't hear it. You know what I mean? There are some things we don't really hear until they're revelation, but the minute they are revealed we must do something about them...(Yes, I did. I did repent. :)  )

So the first hour of this rest has been found two weeks in...and I am well aware that much more revelation is coming. It has been, after all, just the first hour...and you're welcome to stay tuned. At some point, I'll share more in the hopes that it will help somebody else. And it helps me just to write it all down. Helps me process; helps me seal it. I say let's live transparently with each other in a front-porch kind of way. Cup of great coffee in one hand and a journal in the other, laughing with and loving each other as we grow up in Him; weaving prayer and conversation in the seamless beauty of friendship.

So my front-porch friends, I share RESTLESS with you. I hope it'll help you rest as it does me... "I'm restless, till I rest in You, Oh God..."
If you haven't had five minutes to rest today, do it now. Don't wait till you hit a wall to take it to Him and let Him restore your soul.

Love Hard: You'll Never Regret It

Everybody has regrets, but it occurs to me that there are a few things for which I have never been sorry...for instance, I have

* Never been sorry for loving hard

* Never wished I had been less committed

* Never wished I'd thought smaller

* Never regretted supporting and protecting my family, in good times and in challenging times

* Never been sorry for laughing so often (though occasionally, it probably shouldn't have been so loud!  :)

* Never wished I'd held onto offenses

* Never regretted the good choices I've intentionally made even when they've come with some cost

* Never wished I'd prayed less or that my faith had been smaller

* Never regretted choosing Jesus

If Do-Overs were an option, I would have certainly chosen that from time to time over the past 40+ years. In fact, in some areas of our lives, God *always gives us a Do-Over till we get it right.   :)
You've probably experienced that...whether you realized it at the time or not...

 Mistakes have been made. Perfection has not been achieved. I'm still in process. My God is always at work in my life and can I just tell you??? I am so grateful. I am continually amazed at how gracious and merciful He is towards me. I am awash in a sea of His forgiveness and love; daily, I need it. I don't know if I've mentioned...

They're just kids...right?...

Some days, I wish that were true! Other days, I'm so glad it's not. Kids are important people -- sent by way of Heaven to inform, encourage and challenge us and our beliefs. I'm convinced of it. Even as they're growing (and who among us is not??), they are Spirit filled, God-created PEOPLE. Sometimes they're more "grown up" than lots of "grown ups" I know. Seriously.   :)

Today, I'm STUYDING 1 Peter 3. Because of my kids. Because they said things yesterday that reminded me, I don't know about everything just yet. I still need to grow. I still need to study. I still need to let Jesus be formed in *me.

Thanks guys. I love you so big!

Pondering...

This Easter season I'm pondering so much. Really everything about the way we live. In the past couple of months, we've experienced life-changing emotional trauma (that's the only way I know how to describe it) as my husband's mother passed away so suddenly and so dramatically. It kind of feels like I've had the air knocked out of me. Our lives will be different from this point on. The depth of these emotions have taken me by surprise. I always knew I loved her; that she was important to our family, but I did not know how her death would impact me personally. It has been and continues to be so odd that she is gone. Oh, I know I'll see her again one day in Heaven, but her absence from this earth is painful.

As I was reflecting on all that this morning in my quiet time, I found myself thinking about Jesus. About how He died...about the day He died... and about the 3 days that followed for those who loved Him and walked closely with Him. "Trauma" would have adequately described what they probably felt. And if I were a betting woman, I'd bet that His resurrection was even more life-changing for them! I'd bet until their dying day, they never got over those events. And that's what made think...we really don't get it. Because if we did? We'd live differently. Everything would be different. What He went through, for love of us...it was a big deal. He chose us, even though He knew what it would mean...I don't know if you hear me...I don't think we get it.

My husband used to preach that it might be not be possible for us to live sinless, but we can sin less. We can't reach every hurting heart, but we can reach some instead of looking away. Instead of being too busy and worrying about how it will inconvenience us if we get involved in somebody else's drama, we could stop and pray with them. We could care. We can't share the Good News of Jesus with every person in the world, but I *know we can share it more than we do. I know I can share it more often than I have.

Are we just going through the motions or are we living differently because of what He did? I'm having so many thoughts, so many ponderings about my life and the way I'm living it. Don't get me wrong. I don't imagine that I can ever truly repay Jesus for His sacrifice, for His love for me, but it was no light thing and I am more aware than ever of what my life in Christ has cost Heaven. God help me to live like I get it.

Keepin' It Real

If you've ever taught a room full of kids, you'll understand this...

Two weeks ago, I was teaching S.N.A.P! KIDS at my church on a Wednesday night. It was an especially noisy night. My kids were all hopped up on something -- probably just the high of time with Ms. Annette, right? (that was funny, people.)  But I digress. Add to that the fact that we are entirely out of space in our current facility, so right now we are meeting exactly next door to the room where our student ministry is throwin' down in worship. They love Jesus and they're being LOUD about it! (lemme hear a whoop!whoop!) At some point I said to them, "If you want to talk to me -- if you want to answer my questions -- raise your hand." Instantly 3 hands shot into the air, at which point I heard myself say, "Put your hands DOWN!"   :)

Just keepin' it real, my friends...

There's Gotta Be More

I remember the first time I heard that phrase, "There's gotta be more..." It came from the lips and from the heart of my husband and it echoed in me, though I certainly did not agree with him out loud.  It was too scary to think about. John was talking about knowing God. The conversation went something like this, "Annette, there has to be more than what we know! No, John. There is no more! There's church (read: 11am on Sunday mornings) and there's Sunday School and eating lunch with friends after and that's just about it. Would you please just stop looking for more?" But he never did. He was convinced that "more" was available to us. Even though he had no idea what "more" looked like, he felt a tugging of his heartstrings. I was sure at the time he was crazy; inside I hoped he was... Now I know it was Holy Spirit calling his name. Calling our names.

That conversation happened more than 20 yeas ago. As I share that part of our story today, I'm so grateful for the continuing work of Father God in my life; that one day at a time He sanctifies us when we let Him. In my ignorance and in my arrogance, I was totally convinced that I knew all there was to know about God and about His kingdom. I argued sincerely for that "knowledge"! And I was sincerely wrong.

Since that day, I have been the recipient of more grace than is even reasonable. The bounty of His mercy has saturated every part of my life. I wouldn't even know where to begin to list it all in this moment, but I will spend my life sharing what I've been given with anyone who wants to know, with anyone who has any shred of hope that there is more...one story at a time...

For the record, you were right, Honey. There is more. And even after all these years, we've only touched the edge of knowing Him. Here's to a lifetime of hearing Him together. John and me. Friends and family with us! Ready? Let's go.

Annette