Real

I haven't been able to get away from hearing the Lord say, "Those who are well-loved bear the marks of it." In the past few days, I've pondered it often and now I realize why it struck such a chord with me: it's because it reminds me of one of my favorite stories ever! It's a story I read to all three of our children all the time when they were little. I probably loved reading it to them even more than they loved hearing it. Yep. The Velveteen Rabbit and I appear to have much in common. Consider this,

"Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'

Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit.

Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.'

Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?'

It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
— Margery Williams Bianco (The Velveteen Rabbit)

 

Just to be clear, I SO hope the hair thing doesn't happen. And I'm not the least bit interested in being shabby. But REAL? Oh, yeah. Let's go there. We can walk towards that a little more each day, beginning. right. now. Ready? Better lace up your kicks and get moving. I don't want to out run you! 

The First Hour Two Weeks In

I thought it was just me, so I felt bad about it. You know? I felt so bad about being restless and tired. I felt so bad about feeling guilty on the rare occasions when I was resting instead of working or doing something. Anything. Even on the day when I finally, in desperation, poured my heart out to my pastor and friend, I remember apologizing the entire time. I was so sorry to be tired. I was miserable that I was going to need to do one of two things: resign or rest. That day? Resigning would have been just as fine with me as anything. I was so far past any feeling of control over it all...

Just today, almost exactly two weeks into this extended period of rest, in an open prayer and worship time with Really Friends, I. actually. rested. On the inside. I could almost see the gigantic knot in my brain relaxing and I felt it deep, deep inside. It  was the first hour of the beginning of a new something. I have no idea of it's details. And I'm not worried about it. Those who know me well understand the depth of those last three statements. I heard the Lord say, "Those who are well-loved bear the marks of it." He went on to remind me of the incredible peace and tranquility, of the joy and freedom that lingers in the atmosphere around people I know who have been well loved. He reminded me of moments in my own life when I have felt that most deeply. I remembered what it was like just to be delighted in --- I remembered what it felt like just to be...
The delight of the Lord, as He lingered in that space with us this morning, was almost palpable. I don't think I'll ever get over what that felt like.

I've realized tonight that this busyness and exhaustion is rampant. The topic of rest is everywhere. It's the rising sound in the (Big C) Church. It isn't just me. We do not know how to be still. Even if we wanted to, when would we find the time?? We have trouble sleeping at night and we have trouble focusing in the day time. We live out of a five dollar cup of caffeine that gets us through. This pause in my life has caused me to realize that I could have been resting on the inside all along...I was just so deep in the season that I thought I was indispensable. And that, my friends, is pride. I now remember vaguely that Mark (my pastor-friend) said something about that on the day when I poured it all out...I heard it, but I didn't hear it. You know what I mean? There are some things we don't really hear until they're revelation, but the minute they are revealed we must do something about them...(Yes, I did. I did repent. :)  )

So the first hour of this rest has been found two weeks in...and I am well aware that much more revelation is coming. It has been, after all, just the first hour...and you're welcome to stay tuned. At some point, I'll share more in the hopes that it will help somebody else. And it helps me just to write it all down. Helps me process; helps me seal it. I say let's live transparently with each other in a front-porch kind of way. Cup of great coffee in one hand and a journal in the other, laughing with and loving each other as we grow up in Him; weaving prayer and conversation in the seamless beauty of friendship.

So my front-porch friends, I share RESTLESS with you. I hope it'll help you rest as it does me... "I'm restless, till I rest in You, Oh God..."
If you haven't had five minutes to rest today, do it now. Don't wait till you hit a wall to take it to Him and let Him restore your soul.